


Put The Gun Down

by momiji_neyuki



Series: The Shadow Side [7]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M, Memories, Self-Acceptance, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 18:54:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7586020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momiji_neyuki/pseuds/momiji_neyuki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <b>Here's where it starts, another night alone in the dark</b>
  <br/>
  <b>Hate is running through my veins</b>
  <br/>
  <b>Steady now I'm takin' aim</b>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Put The Gun Down

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> So this one is pretty simple as the tags state. Please realize that the series has three more stories to go, so this cannot be the end.
> 
> Please enjoy guys.

_***Time Stamp: Three Months Later***_

**Here's where it starts, another night alone in the dark**

**Hate is running through my veins**

**Steady now I'm takin' aim**

**The darkness of day, all the skies are turning to grey**

Frank sat on his bed staring at the long mirror in his bedroom. He was tired even though he had done nothing but sleep. He was fired a month ago. It was an accident, but they didn’t care. Frank didn’t care. Ever since running into Gerard three months ago, seeing him so healthy and happy…without him, it affected him so much. Frank took another drink. Without his income he actually couldn’t afford the drugs anymore. Alcohol was cheap though. So now he sat looking at his sorry reflection as he mirrored his movement with the bottle. He looked over at the nightstand. On it was the gun that he had bought years ago when he was with her. Surprisingly he never thought of using it after she was gone, but since he lost Gerard it plagued his thoughts. Frank found it strange that the man that he shared two and a half years of his life with affected him so much. He picked up the bottle again and looked at the gun again.

He picked it up and felt the weight in his hand. It was loaded, but the safety was on. He looked at it and then at himself in the mirror. The Frank in the mirror looked so relaxed with it in his hand. He took another pull from the bottle. He lifted and gun and held it to his head. Just one shot and he would be with her and far away from him. He wanted that, right?

_***Time Stamp: One Week Later***_

**I can't tune the voices out**

**How'd they get so Goddamn loud?**

**Oh, cause there's a side, another side of me that can't get out**

**A darker side that no one knows about**

He saw him again. He saw Gerard with his…boyfriend. They were in the park sitting on a bench talking. The guy was turned toward Gerard as Gerard gestured wildly with his hands as he told some story. When Gerard did that for Frank, Frank would close off, get bored, then annoyed and angry. He would tell Gerard to shut the fuck up or smack him in the face. This man did neither. He truly looked like he was enjoying whatever Gerard was saying. He asked questions during pauses and laughed at the funny parts. It was not forced either. Gerard’s face was a glow with happiness. The guy's hand was resting on Gerard’s knee casually. Gerard placed a hand over it and they shifted to hold hands. Frank was disgusted.

_”Well why would he want to be with you anymore; all you did was scream at him and hit him. He never knew why, right? You never told him the full story about her. Shame, he might have understood.”_

”Shut up , shut up!”

Frank yelled at the voices in his head to be quiet. People who walked by him thought he was another crazy person. The two men got up and embraced in a kiss. Then they walked hand and hand to the street cart to get something to eat. Frank went home.

*

*

*

**Can anybody hear me?**

**Can anybody see me?**

**Cause I think I lost my way**

**Put the gun down, Just put the gun down**

Frank sat on his bed again staring into the mirror. In one hand again was the bottle and the other the gun. He looked up at his reflection but it was not there anymore. Now he could see them. The way they used to be. Laughing and so in love before she was taken away. It made him smile and made him cry.

”I never really got over you, did I?”

_”Nope, you just buried her under the alcohol and drugs.”_

He watched the decadence that his life became after she passed. He watched himself steadily growing out of control. Then he saw the night he met Gerard.

_***Time Stamp: Two Weeks Later***_

**Will anybody watch me?**

**Is someone gonna stop me?**

**This could be my last mistake**

**Put the gun down, just put the gun down, down**

This time Gerard was with his brother. They were in line for the same movie that Frank was seeing. He was towards the back but Gerard’s unique laughter still floated to him. He was engaged with the other patrons around him, making them smile and laugh too. Frank did not choose this movie because of Gerard. He had no idea he would even be there. He made sure to sit in a section that was nowhere near the brothers. He also planned to leave before the credits rolled so they would not notice him. Frank was surprised that Gerard’s boyfriend was not there. He guessed that, unlike him, he trusted Gerard. As hard as Frank tried, he could not concentrate on the movie. He ended up leaving in the middle. He walked out of the theater and down by the waterfront. Now that he had lost Gerard he realized what an amazing treasure he had. He had Gerard’s heart in his hand and instead of caressing it and treating it with kid gloves, he tried to destroy it. He looked at his reflection in the water. He saw his and Gerard’s first meeting. How cute and shy Gerard was and how Frank didn’t even give a fuck. He kicked a rock into the water to ripple it and make the image go away.

”Pathetic.

**Here's where it ends**

**I'm never going back there again**

**Cause everytime I'm standing by**

**The shadows in my line of sight**

*

*

*

Another night, another bottle, still the same mirror and the same gun. This time it showed Frank all the good times that Gerard and him had. The fleeting moments where Gerard seemed happy, rare moments; making dinner together, cuddling on the sofa watching movies, making real love in their bed. At those moments Frank saw Gerard as a person and not a replacement for her. Then the images changed and he changed. He saw himself ruining the moments. Letting little things bother and destroy him. He saw himself attacking Gerard and beating him down. Destroying his hopes and ambitions and getting him hooked on the drugs as bad as he was.

**When does it stop?**

**Cause I'm living cold and shut off**

**Even when I clench my fists, It's slipping through my fingertips**

**Oh, cause there's a piece, there's a piece of me and it's missing now**

**Yeah, there's a piece of me that's breaking down**

He watched the violence as if it were a movie. How many times he would come home and Gerard would be sporting make up to hide the damage he did to his face the night before. He still smiled and it made Frank cringe. He looked at the gun again. Why was he even here anymore? He lost her which he could not prevent and he lost him which he could have stopped.

”No one needs me, no one wants me, I don’t even want me.”

Frank picked up the gun and put it to his head again. The safety was off this time. The whole chamber was filled with bullets. None of this Russian roulette shit. He wanted to make sure he didn’t miss. He lifted the gun to his head and placed it against his temple. He still had the bottle in his hand.

**That's when I look myself in the mirror**

**Now I'm seeing things a little clearer**

**Honest, I can't hide what's inside me**

Frank drained the bottle and dropped it to the ground. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He listened to the silence in his room; the steady drip of the leaky faucet that no one will fix, the people around him with their families in this rundown apartment building. They may be living in less than perfect conditions but they have each other. Frank had no one. He stopped blaming Gerard for his failed life months ago. He knew now that the finger pointing was part of the problem.

”I’m part of the problem. This is the solution.”

He thought he heard another sound in the apartment but he dismissed it. Frank took a deep breath and placed his finger firmly on the trigger. He had done this every night with the safety on but tonight was different. 

”Gee, wherever you are and whoever you are with…I hope you are happy. You deserve the happiness that I never…tried to give you.”

**I said I'm tired of pointing the finger**

**Tired of this hand holding the trigger**

**Now I'm done with that, I gotta take one step back**

Frank looked at himself in the mirror one last time. He wanted to remember what he looked like when he did the only thing right in his life by his ex-boyfriend. He thought he saw movement from the side of the glass, but then he was closing his eyes and pulled the trigger. He saw nothing, but he did hear his name before everything went black.

**Can anybody**


End file.
